I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Randomize
