She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
