nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
