So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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