I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
