my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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