worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
