the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Randomize
