he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
