i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
why is half of my head shaved?
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