i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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