Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
