i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
