you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
