I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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