Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
