That's intense
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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