So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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