They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
