What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
