I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
