I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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