After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
