Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
