i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
