We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
