Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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