if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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