I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
