We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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