well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
