I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
