the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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