I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
