census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
