I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
