Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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