Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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