I think I am morally bankrupt
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
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