i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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