Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
