Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
