no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
