but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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