Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
