I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
