Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
