Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Randomize
