Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
