I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
