The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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