That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
