Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Randomize
