Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Randomize
