I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
