Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Randomize
