I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
