If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
