I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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