she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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