two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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