Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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