a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
