Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
