I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
