If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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