why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Your cock deserves a montage
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
